Dear Diary

Being an Unica Hija

December 20, 2014

Family is the basic unit of society. It is also your first school in which either your mother or father is your teacher. Your siblings might be your first bodyguards when it comes to playing outside and meeting new friends or acquaintances.

Unica Hija Diaries

They may also be your mentors in terms of hobbies and/or careers. Yet, they may also be a hindrance when you’re an unica hija. Things may be easier when you’re an unico hijo since technically, you’re a boy.

Since I was brought into this world by my amazing mom, things may have not been the most perfect story as ever. And, I am an unica hija *slash* only child (that is a girl). It was not like those in stories that when you are the only one, you get to have it all or maybe have all your vices given or followed. As what the series Once Upon A Time taught me, (magic) always comes with a price. In my case, everything has a price.

Growing Up

Upon growing up, of course we gain friends and sometimes they would ask us out from time to time.  Yet, even though I would want to go out, experience commuting (in my part it was tough since I was being fetched and sent to school) and also, going to places with friends, asking permission from parents and/or guardians was one of the toughest things to do since when they tell you that you may not go, you really could not. It was as if it was a sentence that could not be appealed (especially if you’re asking permission on a school day).

And no one to cover you on your whereabouts. There’s always a chance that you’ll be caught red-handed.

Having no siblings has been the best of both worlds for me since at one point, you get their attention yet on the other side, when a mishap happens, you may always be the one to get all the blame. On another, you may get all the gift your godparents/relatives will give since you have no sibling to share it with. Yet, even though you get these material things, you may long for someone to accompany you while playing with these. That someone whom you could talk to when you’re feeling down or when you got scolded, someone may comfort you and make you feel better.

 

 

But even though we try our best not to disappoint or displease the people who expect from us, we do commit mistakes since we are not perfect and when the worst case scenario happens, we tend to get all the madness and rage that a human being may ever hold in. It is true that sometimes people expect so much yet ends up getting disappointed however, pressuring kids who may not have someone to talk to may end up the other way around.

How I Felt

From experience, it  has been a struggle to become independent in terms of commuting or going out with your friends without a chaperone or someone to accompany you. Others may have gone to the dark side and the others with Yoda’s however that would still depend on the person if he/she will take part on those opposing sides or just stay neutral. Negate on whatever is wrong and abide with whatever is right. Some would rebel or throw tantrums in order to get what they want, yet it would sad on the part of the parents since they just want what’s best for their kid yet he/she has turned tables. Though some would overdo things that they are just being too overprotective of their child that the child becomes afraid of the environment and may not know how to interact with people.

As I may have encountered, I was really overprotected that I was being fetched and sent to school by my aunties since my mom worked outside the region back then and used to travel a lot too. They also were strict with me in almost all aspects.

The Good and The Bad

Yet sometimes we do not see the good side of it just the negative impact on us. Others may even think that life is easier when you have no one to share toys or attention with but it may also be a struggle for others. It has always been the best of both worlds for me since I really do get the stuff I want as long as I prove to them that I am worthy of giving those, may it be reward or punishment for the deeds I have done.However, in the long run (yes because I am 21 already), I still feel that they see me as a little girl not as a young adult who is co-existing with them in this world also. I have also experienced that even though I would want to be independent in some ways, I have observed that at times they do have these struggles in letting go. I mean by that, in giving me a chance to explore on my own. I know they have been always there to support me in whatever endeavor I want yet when it comes to overnight trips or even beach trips with my friends (high school friends, I mean) it is really hard to ask permission since they would over-think that something wrong might happen and things may not turn out they way it was planned in the first place.

However, in the long run (yes because I am 21 already), I still feel that they see me as a little girl, not as a young adult who is co-existing with them in this world also. I have also experienced that even though I would want to be independent in some ways, I have observed that at times they do have these struggles in letting go. I mean by that, in giving me a chance to explore on my own. I know they have been always there to support me in whatever endeavor I want yet when it comes to overnight trips or even beach trips with my friends (high school friends, I mean) it is really hard to ask permission since they would over-think that something wrong might happen and things may not turn out they way it was planned in the first place.

Risks

It is hard to take risks especially if your life is on the line but we will never enjoy the world and its beauty if we always stick with what is we call as “safe”. Exploring is never a bad thing and people of all ages should try to explore or do something they have never done in ages. There’s no limit on taking adventures and I wish I had shown my motive on being independent long before. Yes, I have also feared the outside world since it may consume me in various ways or possibilities that any person might think of. 

I won’t say that I learned too late but, when I went to Manila for college that was the time that I really learned how to become independent when it comes to chores and saving up my own allowance to be able to go to places I haven’t explored yet (of course, those places are safe from harm). Yet, even though I have spent almost five (5) years living in Manila, I still always go home and would even wish that home is just the next block but it is not. The struggle is real when it comes to getting homesick.

Last Chapter

Nevertheless, I highly suggest to those families with only child or even if to those children who may feel they are overprotected (in ways we beyond our scope), no harm will come to you if you try to explore and even talk to your families about going out or bonding with your friends. Yes, I know you fear for their safety but don’t you fear that you might be sheltering them away from the wonders of this planet? Those children may also feel withdrawn when gatherings are around. Others may share their adventures with some peers yet they have nothing to share. I know that most parents fear for the safety of their children and just want them to be safe but don’t you think that you may also be hindering their chance of getting lost yet would still enjoy it?

Personally, I have an experience of getting lost in the metro and it was when I was still new and had to get to the place of our community service. It was located in Pasig and I live in Taft so I am not really familiar with the place and did not even know that much about the trains so literally I stepped down the wrong station but it was fun because with the notes I have prepared prior to the day itself, I really studied the map and also the routes I’d be taking. Yet, with that community service and the part of getting lost, I  gained some new friends who are also excelling in their respective careers. I still remember you, Bea and Kevin!

Conclusion

So there, I know this is lengthy but it does not seem to bother me as long as I have expressed my thoughts in a way that it will not be a bullet to others not unless you did not dodge it. Lastly, to dear parents out there, please talk to your children. We may commit mistakes yet we know deep inside that we will learn from them and also, please do not compare us to others! It only makes us feel worse and insecure about our own skills and talents. Please take this into consideration. 

Related:  Fathers' Day 2016

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