Dear Diary

Being a Fat-Tin

October 10, 2014
Circa 2012

So here is my written entry on my insights on me being a fattie or as I would call it, my journey to being a fattie. It’s not that it is an issue but I’d just like to share it. (This may be a lengthy and wordy post so read at your own risk!) ✌

Being a Fat-Tin

It was not so long ago when I was thin, well, to be honest, the right term is skinny. Yes, I was skinny before. The thinnest I got was a 20″ waist line (of course, during elementary days). When I got in high school, I had this trend with my body that I gained weight and drastically lost and regained it back up until I went to college.

College

When I got in college, I was thin and I wouldn’t call it sexy either because I did not have those perfectly sculpted abdominal muscles or even toned arms and legs or the firm butt. Towards the middle of my frosh year, I got enticed of enrolling in a well-known fitness gym in the country. I went there with my friend. So I got to see some people who really are heavier than me, pursue their journey to their own fitness. Little did I know that I was just starting my journey to have a beautifully shaped body. I really did cardio, had some weight training but what I enjoyed most about going to the gym where the classes they had.

You would just pick out what you like best and go there for the schedule and participate in the program. I got to participate in the dance classes particularly hip-hop and latin. Moreover, the facilities in the said fitness gym were really up to date so it was more alluring to work-out then.

As the months went by, I was losing my passion in going to the gym. I would just rather do some quick routines in my room than to go there however, I was still maintaining the physique I had. But little by little I learned how to eat, and eat and eat more than my usual.

Circa 2013

Then, in a month, I would just go once or twice to the gym to work out. Totally forgetting about it since I am doing my own routine at the dorm (it was where I was living in the metro). That was from 2010, however, I got peptic ulcer so skipping meals was my habit before (well, up to this day too). But I will be skipping the details regarding my peptic ulcer because it is not the gist of this entry.

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Circa 2011

Gaining Weight

I started gaining weight just last year when my life became a life filled with lots of sitting down, eating particularly stress eating because it was the year filled with papers, projects and internships and papers again. It was the year that I was finishing all my academic requirements in order to graduate this year. I know you have a picture in your mind about the “eat, sleep, school works” cycle but during that I was really getting the hang of it.

My mom spoils me with food and she sees to it that I don’t feel hungry or get hungry. She sends me her cooked meals or even supply of canned goods or finger foods all the way from home, Legazpi. (A round of applause for my mom, please 🙌👏)

Nevertheless, I am not bothered with my gain although people around me reacted quite differently and odd when they saw me during vacation but I didn’t care at all. I’m happy. As the months go by, 2014 came and this is the year that literally I am eating then sitting down than reading and going to bed, This was the year where so many doors opened yet I chose that one door that made me feel bum yet happy. It was the door of law school.

“Fat”

But, I am going away from my point. So this year, I got words that a friend or acquaintance whom I saw years ago told someone that I gained weight or got fat. But when that reached me, I felt that I did not care at all. Yes, you have your freedom of speech but do you honestly think that I would care what you observed or saw? Each of us has our own perspective of “sexy or “pretty” or “fat“.

You could observe photos of me or even my own photos that I got chubbier cheeks or even bigger arms but really, if you think that telling someone that h/she is fat, would you be kind enough also to think on how should that person think about you? Have you ever though that the person might think of you as a (as what I call it) visual creature that would only like to see perfection. And, have you ever thought that whatever you say will and always be remembered by that person?

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Circa 2014

People may see you as fat, chubby, plus size but at the end of the day, you still have the final word on what is your size. As others would say, age is a number. I would say that size is just a letter (well number for others) but you need not be an XS just to impress others. Ever since I gained weight, I have been saving up all these compliments in a room in my mind palace where at the end of the day, I sort them out whether should I forget it or remember it. Others think that it is a motivation but sometimes I feel demotivated at all. I am happy with myself so why can’t you just be happy? I am happy about being a fattie and it does not even step on you one bit. Yes, you may be a fattie before who became so thin now but who knows, you might revert back to your old ways.

Plus, I think of it this way:

  • I am a fattie, it means I have more food than you.
  • I am a fattie, it means, I take care of myself pretty well since I don’t starve or what.
  • I seldom get sick.
  • If there was shortage of food, you would perish first but I still got to live on.
  • If the weather is cold, my natural fat would warm me up just fine.
  • If there is a crowd of people, you could easily make way for yourself.

My other thoughts are really sort of WTF for you but that is how I think and, I think you should love and accept your physique just the way it is. There is no need to have the perfect body since there’s no such thing as the perfect man or perfect woman.. All you have to please is yourself. Remember, you can never please everybody.

You might get curious if I will attempt to regain my former physique, and my answer would be, yes. There’s no harm in losing weight but maybe, I am just enjoying may fats that’s why I am still lazy to work out.


But as I would say, I am TIN therefore I am forever TIN (thin). ✌

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